So what if you’ve loved me, she asked.
So what if you’ve given me the things you say you have…
You never gave me what I really wanted; she continued.
I wanted freedom, why couldn’t you just let me be, she went on.
And on she went, ranting about how I was a jailor,
She felt like a prisoner… she lamented!
I pleaded to know what it was that I did wrong,
Why did she hate me so much? thats all that I asked her,
I don’t need to answer you, she flared up, hot in flames nearly,
She asked me not to yell or I wouldn’t hear from her;
Ohh no! that just meant that she would never talk to me again.
It was coming anyway, I thought and continued to question her…
Like an ass who couldn’t hold on to his dignity.
Pfft, there isn’t much left now anyway, is there Anu?
I continued to tell her what I felt and how all of what happened hurt me,
You are always hurt and crying anyway, she replied callously.
Did you make an attempt to help me, I asked.
Here is where she gave her regular list of “OHH NO!! things” that I did.
-You broke my aspirations.
-You gave me nothing but things.
-You annoyed me with your phone calls and messages.
-You are annoying.
-You took away my friends.
What? Ok. Anything more? I am still trying to look for a reason…
She was quite for a while and sighed a heavy *sigh* and said;
I did what I did cause I felt like,
And if I did wrong and like you say, Gods watching, isn’t he?
Well, I’d let him punish me, not you.
The call ended here and she was brave enough to write to me,
She said she wanted me to “let her be”
And she doesn’t want to talk to me.
Finally, words which mean nothing to me, apologies.
I did not brood over what happened from there on.
I’d rather write than think, sets my mind free.
Or maybe its just something I feel…
Complex human emotions, love, hatred, lust, greed, selfishness; I saw everything.
I’ve experienced a human side in two people,
that would otherwise have never come out.
Love isn’t fair, and out of experience I can say, you have to be plain lucky.
What has to come to you, will.
It might go all over the place, but in the end, its coming to you.
Whats not yours will never be.
You’ll see a mirage and you’ll live in a dream,
But one fine day, the dreams going to break, like a brimming soap bubble.
The remaining bubbles full of soap will fall into your eyes.
If that annoys you – let it not! Continue…
You just can’t quit living; damn, that sucks!
I realize now, I’m so tired…
-Anup